YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
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Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
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Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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