Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
