If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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