i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I wish i was in the wii world.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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