Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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