I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
