so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
