Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
