just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
