I wish you could order shots online.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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