this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
