...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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