too bad you live with your parents still
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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