She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
