just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize