I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
