she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
