I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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