can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
