i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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