I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
