You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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