You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
