everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
