i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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