it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
