My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
