Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize