its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
