I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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