Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wish you could order shots online.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
