my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
