I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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