im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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