I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
