She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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