Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
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