There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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