have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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