3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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