Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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