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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.

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  Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)

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• (818): View more from California

  Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.

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• (469): View more from Texas

  After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.

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• (310): View more from California

  I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks

  (310): View more from California

  Like what do you want from me

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  Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.

  (503): View more from Oregon

  I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?

  (1-206): View more from Washington

  Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament

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• (904): View more from Florida

  Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up

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