if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
That accounts for only three of the penises
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
