Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
