Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize