i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
