Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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