Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
