She said her name was "party"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize