I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
