**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
