I didn't shave. On purpose
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
