when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
