Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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