and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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