In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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