Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
